Robocranes

Crane #13, Singapore

It can be hard for humans to differentiate between the sentient cranes we all take for granted and their modern counterparts, the robo-cranes. There are, however, a few tell-tale signs. 

Look at the width of their leg areas: this isn't a definite sign, but the wider the more likely it is to be a robot. Robot cranes have not yet reached the levels of advancement standard cranes have when it comes to mobility, so need the width for extra stability. 

The obvious thing is the red and white striping along their barrels. This is a government requirement, in order that we know where we stand, at all times, with cranes and their mechanical counterparts. 

Eager To Please

Crane #12, Boston, Massachusetts

When the fisher-cranes come in to roost, their friends are keen to come and greet them, even before they've stepped off the boat. 

It's a rare display: once every three months, as the fisher-cranes have long contracts out at sea. 

But when they return, the coasts are lined with cranes ready to give them great rending steel high-fives, cascading sound waves far inland as they do so. 

Note in this photo: the two dog cranes in the background, stoically staring out to sea. They protect the coast from viking-cranes, still active even now in the 21st century. 

Cranes Of Joy

Crane #11, Osaka, Japan

In the sunset beauty of Japan's sleepy second city, Osaka, the cranes relax after a day's work. They gather round, crack open some beverages and share some jokes. 

Repeater Jackson, pictured here in the foreground, is the comedian of the bunch, and frequently has the other cranes in rivets. Stitches, to you and I. 

There's nothing quite like a cool beer in the hot Japanese sun; these cranes work hard and play hard, and know the value of both. 

Professional Greeters

Crane #10, Oakland, USA

Just like the greeters Wal-Mart employs (average age: 74), these cranes stand rigid, grown salutary in their old age rather than bitter and enfeebled. Their arms remain outstretched in a welcoming wave, giving a personal touch to this otherwise drab granite bridge. 

But the wave will always remain static, for we may remember the sad day some twenty years back, when undue agitation of Little Jimmy Ironside caused him to buckle, sending carfuls of passengers to their icy death below. 

Not a good day for human - crane relations; but we move on now, on to the future. 

Cranes On A Cruise

Crane #9 North Sea, Northern Hemisphere, Northlandia

Did we mention that sometimes even cranes think, "screw this, I'm going to see the world". 

?

Possibly not. They're not the hard-working, order-taking bastions of servitude we usually assume. No, cranes are complex beings that need their breaks as much as you or I. 

So they book their time on a cruise ship and lazily mill around the ocean. There's not much room to move, obviously, and attractions while on-ship are limited. 

But the chance to be free, feel the sea breeze in their hair... they do rust, so they apply daily rustscreen. 

And just look who's doing all the work - the tiny boat out in front, towing with a piece of string. He's the true hero here. 

Crane Universitay

Crane #8, Oxford, Britain

Among the sleepy spires of Oxford town, there lurk the people who actually get things done. By people I mean cranes, of course, and who else is responsible for keeping those spires sleeping?

Thanks to educational osmosis, these cranes are among the most learned mechanical beings in the world (alongside the robot vacuum cleaners at the Library of Congress and the security alarm system at the British Museum). There isn't a lecture they haven't eavesdropped on a hundred times, and though they don't engage in debates with humans, rest assured that they'd put up a good fight. When cranes make their minds up about something, you'll find it near impossible to change that opinion. Like elephants. 

The particular cranes pictured have laboured around the Theology buildings for years, so debates between them are highly charged. In fact, it's now got to the point that the two of them haven't spoken for close to fifteen years. And all down to a disagreement on the meaning of wine. For shame, cranes. Life is too short. 

"Stick around... pumping iron"

Crane #7, Pittsburgh, PA

Some people build up their muscles for show, like the genetic abnormals on Venice Beach. Some people need muscles to impress and to intimidate. Some people waste their time. 

These buff super muscle cranes are 100% real, US-fed, natural beefcakes. They don't go to the gym or take protein shakes. How could they? They're welded to the ground. Nope, these cranes are in it for one thing: job satisfaction. 

Pennsylvania is a hard-working state: and Pittsburgh itself has a long tradition of heavy industry. But today there exists a safe balance; with the city's livability rating scoring high since the 1980s, these cranes can enjoy a full day's work and then sleep easy knowing that they breathe clean air and drink fresh water. If they drunk water, that is.