Crane Universitay

Crane #8, Oxford, Britain

Among the sleepy spires of Oxford town, there lurk the people who actually get things done. By people I mean cranes, of course, and who else is responsible for keeping those spires sleeping?

Thanks to educational osmosis, these cranes are among the most learned mechanical beings in the world (alongside the robot vacuum cleaners at the Library of Congress and the security alarm system at the British Museum). There isn't a lecture they haven't eavesdropped on a hundred times, and though they don't engage in debates with humans, rest assured that they'd put up a good fight. When cranes make their minds up about something, you'll find it near impossible to change that opinion. Like elephants. 

The particular cranes pictured have laboured around the Theology buildings for years, so debates between them are highly charged. In fact, it's now got to the point that the two of them haven't spoken for close to fifteen years. And all down to a disagreement on the meaning of wine. For shame, cranes. Life is too short. 

"Stick around... pumping iron"

Crane #7, Pittsburgh, PA

Some people build up their muscles for show, like the genetic abnormals on Venice Beach. Some people need muscles to impress and to intimidate. Some people waste their time. 

These buff super muscle cranes are 100% real, US-fed, natural beefcakes. They don't go to the gym or take protein shakes. How could they? They're welded to the ground. Nope, these cranes are in it for one thing: job satisfaction. 

Pennsylvania is a hard-working state: and Pittsburgh itself has a long tradition of heavy industry. But today there exists a safe balance; with the city's livability rating scoring high since the 1980s, these cranes can enjoy a full day's work and then sleep easy knowing that they breathe clean air and drink fresh water. If they drunk water, that is. 

"Daddy, where do baby cranes come from?"

Crane #6, Manhattan, NYC

It's a sensible question, and not just from kids: where do the cranes come fro

m?

They fly by night, erect themselves wherever work needs done (like superheroes, although fortunately I've never seen Superman 'erect' himself. Which is just as well, because there's no hiding anything in spandex). 

But are they magical? Are they thrown into place by God? Popped out of Christmas crackers, or are they the playthings of invisible giants?

Now, at last, we have the exclusive answer: and it involves this, the Crane Daddy. The Ω crane. 

He roves the land, in search of crane nesting grounds, spawning giant steel babies that enhance the skyline with a preview of what might happen when cranes attack. 

The only mystery left to solve: the crane mother. Is she real? Photographic evidence, please.